♥ - i will not break, EVER.

flash right before me

Saturday, January 16, 2010 @ 5:24 PM

this whole month & the last, i haven’t focused on anything, but today.. i’m fucking going lose and insane.. this is not where i should be. i’ve been missing out on things and mourning too much.. there’s too much grief in my heart and so much cluster in my mind. i want to break something, or kill myself.. but you know that’s not a healthy thought, so here i am.. writing… everything i feel, love to do this because i know no one has time to read every single thing that i write and understand how i really feel inside. if you are reading, thanks.. but you still won’t understand how much more it’s fucked up in my shoes, through my eyes, and try to process these things on a daily bases. since that day - december 2, 2009, everything was fucked up, and nothing’s been the same. my life has just made a 359, and i don’t think things will be good for a while. i’m so full of hatred right now, i want to just break something… honestly, i don’t know how many times i have to stress that. i fucking miss you guys a lot. nothing ever can compare to the fucking pain that goes through my mind and heart when i think of the good times. Hide those feelings inside . So stupid , making things worse. just wish i can just like fuckin smarten up and take in and actually listen to other people's opinions and not cause problems. in fact, i wish i was smarter on these things. i hate this. i hate what i've been acting like with them. I'll try to make things better.